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Joke of the Day

"what do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowtain. Edit: meowntain. Happy now??"

"My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company..."

"If you hold your pee.. Then your hands would get wet."

"Life's like a bird, it's pretty cute until it shits on your head."

"The only real importance in life is getting ahead. Head. I meant to say head."

"If it wasn't for the internet, I would think ""12 Years A Slave"" was a movie about a guy exaggerating about the first 3 weeks of marriage."

"You are what you eat. Is that why I am a human?"

"Now I really am just like Christine O'Donnell (not a Senator)"

"*rubs lamp* Genie: ""you get three wishes"" Me: ""I wish I wasn't so alone"" Genie: ""k wow I'm like right here"""

"Fun prank: 1: steal your married friends phone 2: change your name to ""Brandi from the club"" 3: call them repeatedly and hang up at 3AM"