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Joke of the Day

"The U.S. is scheduled to play Germany soon at the World Cup. President Obama and German Chancellor Angela Merkel already have a bet going. The loser keeps Hasselhoff."

"Why don't nice people ride the train? Because they're usually found on trucks."

"I thought I was listening to a Maroon 5 song on the radio when I realized that the radio is off and I need to have my brakes changed."

"If websites were athletes, Reddit would be a fencer. Obsessed with points and always reposting."

"One of my many niche-market jokes They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so why haven't beekeepers monopolized the fashion industry?"

"Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped."

"If you were born in Poland and are now taking a piss in England, what are you? European"

"What do you call explosive cow vomit? A cud missle!"

"*sees cute girl on sidewalk* nice *she makes eye contact* oh wow *she smiles* is this happening *she's holding a clipboard* god dammit"

"I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet... so if I ever get a life I'll be notified immediately."