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Joke of the Day

"I thought I was listening to a Maroon 5 song on the radio when I realized that the radio is off and I need to have my brakes changed."

"Why are pedophiles safe drivers? They always slow down in front of kindergartens and schools!"

"If I have HIV I hope I find out from a Doctor, like Charlie Sheen did And not from the TV, like his ex girlfriends did."

"How did one goldfish get the attention of another goldfish? He yelled, ""A u, fish!"""

"10:00pm *gets a snack* 10:01pm *turns on tv* 10:02pm *glances at twitter for 8 seconds* February"

"I'm only tweeting this to keep myself from looking up from my phone and accidentally making eye contact with a stranger."

"This year's Christmas must-haves? Food, water and shelter! #theclassics"

"I'm sorry I said the Nazis were also a party when you invited me to celebrate your kid's first birthday."

"What happened when the Italian Chef Died He Pasta Way"

"Why can't a muslim have SexEd and Driver'sEd on the same day? Their camels need a break at some point."