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Joke of the Day

"Will I be able to drink with these? - First question when prescribed meds"

"Why are tourists to Scotland wrongly arrested as pedophiles? They say they came for the 12-year-old Scotch."

"What is black and white and red all over, and spins in circles? A nun who has a spear in her, going through a vevolving door."

"When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent."

"What's the difference between a Syrian school and a terrorist camp? I don't know, I'm just flying the drone"

"How did you get your girlfriend to have sex with you while she was on her period? Let's just say I pulled some strings."

"Dr Heimlich died today I'm all choked up"

"Oh good, a gift card to Arby's. *waits for their birthday* Them: Thanks Aimee for the... *opens box* (cat hair pasted to paper & framed)"

"Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a ""Which Muppet Are You?"" quiz."

"Judge: For the crimes you have committed you will go to prison for 10 years Me: That's a long sentence! Judge: Ok - ""you get 10 years"""