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Joke of the Day
"Why do girls always get mad when I try to read their shirts? It's not my fault I'm blind."
Next Joke
"Make sure to dress extra provocative if you ever find yourself in a 5th attempt to overturn a criminal conviction You'll definitely need that six appeal."
"if ur ever in a scary movie situation and find that the phone cords been cut just act like the phone still works thatll confuse the bad guy"
"Secret to wine tasting is to open the bottle and allowing it to breathe If it doesn't look like it is breathing, then give it a mouth-to-mouth"
"When carrying a sleeping child to bed in the dark, make sure all intervening doors are open. Babies make cranky, ineffective battering rams."
"What do you say to a one legged hitch hiker hop in"
"Most women turn into good drivers So if you're a good driver watch out for women turning"
"Did you hear about the Chinese godfather? He made them an offer they could not understand."
"[Siri Beta] What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an alien? A mars-upial"
"Christina Applegate should totally get involved in a scandal-- then we could call it Applegategate"