230101

Joke of the Day

"A doe walks out of the woods.... A doe walks out of the woods, shakes herself off and says, ""Well. I'll never do THAT for two bucks again.""."

"[ugly sweater contest] *starts sweating* *takes home the gold*"

"Why can't Barbie get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a separate box."

"I hadn't seen my girlfriend for a while... When she saw me, she said, ""Wow, your hands are so soft!"" ""But... where have you been working out?"""

"The secret to success is to surround yourself with people that don't know you."

"/r/im14andthisisdeep? ...I'm 12 and that's what she said"

"It's not that I don't know how to juggle... I just don't have the balls to do it!"

"How do you make a dwarf taller? Ge-gnome therapy"

"Him: My brother wants us all to go camping together next summer. Me: Can't go, I'm allergic. Him: To what? Me: Everything you just said."

"I will be the first president who is openly mentally ill"