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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: ""Just lie back and relax, I'll start the lasik eye procedure in a moment."" *Turns on laser* *Patient's face is attacked by cats*"

"TIL theres a supermoon on the 14th. ELI5: If it's so super, why doesn't it fly around in the sky? Oh, right... because it got paralyzed and died."

"I can't tell if Michael Cera is actually an actor, or just an awkward guy who keeps wandering onto film sets and does his best to fit in."

"was trimming my beard with my jumper today it was a **clothes** shave..."

"I hate when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years I don't have 2020 vision"

"How do you get out of an elephant? Q: How do you get out of an elephant? A: Turn around and around until you get all pooped out. (5 yo humor never gets old)"

"What happened to the clock that was still hungry? It went back 4 seconds."

"A woman was masturbating furiously on the subway The police were going to arrest her, but she got off."

"Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sundae School"

"What do you call a guy with 4 penises who can breathe underwater? Aquatic."