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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Zippo and a Bic lighter? Zippos are heavy. A Bic is just a little lighter."

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"Wife:How'd you sleep? Me: Fine except I got in a gun fight and died and went to the store because I ran out of shampoo W: Ambien:*giggles"
"Tiger Woods joke So I guess Tiger Wood and Lindsay Vonn are having an Open relationship."
"I'm gonna sell my vacuum cleaner. It's just collecting dust"
"How many minutes equal one orgasm ? One eight year old."
"Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file."
"Me: Just a glass of water Scientist waiter: You mean a glass of... yourself? You see, the body is made up of ok ok sit down I'll bring it"
"You are free to criticize athletes. They are free to criticize you too of course, but they don't, because your job is dull and no one cares."
"Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations."
"[Guy Joke] How is wearing crocs like being blown by a dude? It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay."
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