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Joke of the Day

"I always felt that Daffy Duck was funnier than Donald Duck but didn't get as much recognition because he was black."

"""Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed."""

"What's the difference between snow men and snow women? Snow balls"

"Can't afford to get my newspaper delivered by iPad. What is that? $500 every morning?"

"According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it's hard to steal a car when the owner's living in it..."

"The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don't check their phone for 3+ hours."

"What do birds order when they go to Starbucks? Flappaccinos."

"I'll never understand why anyone would want to kidnap a child, kids suck."

"Hey girl with 20,000 tweets and 14 followers, I'm guessing you should probably shut the fuck up."

"Accidentally opened Excel. Decided to roll with it and get my life together. See you all never."