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Joke of the Day

"I could never join the army because I'd never be able to figure out what time it is."

"Call your boring friend Simon, ""Sighmon"" he'll never know the difference and you can laugh about it with your cool bros over beers."

"I'll complain about the government invading my privacy after I tell you where I am on Facebook and posting what I'm eating on Instagram."

"why is it called Black Friday? because you can get everything for a steal."

"`Why can't you get cell phone service when you're naked? Why can't you get cell phone service when you're naked? No shirt, no shoes, no service."

"What are a school teachers 3 favorite words? June, July, and August."

"I'm my biggest critic. I'm my strongest critic. I'm my tallest critic. I'm my prettiest critic. who's a good critic. yes you. whose a good c"

"When I want to cheat on my diet I buy food at Traitor Joe's."

"Why can't you hear the bass on Metallica's And Justice For All album? Because they threw the bass player under the bus."

"How do you keep a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him."