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Joke of the Day

"[watching House of Cards] where are the cards"

"The Dalai Lama and Gandhi aren't the same? I thought they were basically Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana. I feel like people are messing with me."

"Who is the hottest female tennis player among the corns. Anna **Corn**ikova!"

"What did the gay atheist shout after Noah threw him off the ark for being a gay atheist? Help! I'm thinking!"

"Are You From Boston? Because you're the bomb..."

"The Golden Globe goes to... Burrito ... for best actor in a microwave, with a convincing performance of taking longer than necessary."

"Can you believe this guy watching porn on the bus over my shoulder?"

"Eschew pretentious poses. The boy who farted laughing gas, eschewed pretentious poses. He thought those who called him vulgar, had boogers in their noses."

"My kid spilled milk in the back of my car last week ... Now I tell people it has a stinky dairy-air."

"That awkward moment the drug dealer charges you extra for the briefcase."