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Joke of the Day

"Eschew pretentious poses. The boy who farted laughing gas, eschewed pretentious poses. He thought those who called him vulgar, had boogers in their noses."

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"I used to be a phone sex worker... until I got hearing aids."
"What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms? One's a Goodyear, and the other's a great year. x/post from r/funny"
"Why did the bacteria cross the microscope? To get to the other slide! Courtesy of one of my Biology students"
"Tell my WiFi love her."
"""Honey, I don't like how you look with these new glasses."" ""But I don't wear glasses.."" ""I know, but I do."""
"[speaking to a guy who looks nothing like Ed Sheeran] ""Hey man, do people ever say you look like Ed Sheeran?"" ""No"" ""Didn't think so"""
"What is a Men's Rights activist's idea of foreplay? Trying to argue a prostitute into accepting a credit card."
"What do you call a cop in court for murder? Unlikely"
"I just danced like no Juan was watching, but he totally was and he cut off the tequila then threw me out of his restaurant you guys."