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Joke of the Day

"My parents tried to abort me but I was still born."

"I was working on a new rape joke, but i couldn't get the punchline to flow right. It just came off sounding too forced."

"How does it feel to be a famous rock-and-roll musician? Fan-fucking-tastic!"

"went to kiss a girl last night and her eyes rolled back and her head floated off her shoulders body burst into flames i am a bad kisser"

"Whoever's job it is to make sure I eat before I drink is fired."

"What do you call tree sap that won't stop running? Forest gunk."

"Sherlock and Watson are filling in their college application. Watson: Sherlock? Why have you skipped writing this essay? Sherlock: It's supplementary my dear Watson"

"Kim Kardashian was robbed of her jewellry in Paris. The robbers had a tip off that she had lots of booty."

"Case closed Cop: ""Did you kill this man?"" Me: ""No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."""

"Drugs are really bad for your mind. All these years I thought I worked in an office, but it turns out I'm actually a centaur."