109011

Joke of the Day

"What do you call tree sap that won't stop running? Forest gunk."

"I have two tear drop tattoos (one for each time I waved at a person who was waving to someone behind me)"

"It's not called ""Laura the Explorer"" because if a little white girl gets lost in the woods, CNN shows up with the FBI."

"I want to just be a couch potato tonight, but I'm too lazy to get on my couch. So I'm a floor potato."

"The cops came to my house claiming my dog chased someone down on a bike! I explained to the idiots that my dog doesn't own a bike."

"When I hear the term ""Flash Mob"" I think of old Italian gangsters wearing nothing but trench-coats."

"Me: *gazes into his eyes* Him: *sweats* M *winks* H: I'm kinda uncomfortable M: But this is love H: It's my job to fill liquor orders, ma'am"

"A nurse asks an absent-minded doctor, ""Doctor, why are you writing with a thermometer?"" The doctor looks down and says, ""God damnit. Now some asshole has my pen."""

"The citizens of Twin Peaks became furious when they learned who killed Laura Palmer. They soon began to behave like a lynch mob."

"Why was the Jedi so good at the synthesizer? He had a high MIDI-chlorian count. Test."