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Joke of the Day

"Toddlers & Ghosts -haunt you at all hours -lots of moaning/screaming -unclear motives -not helpful with housework -randomly open cupboards"

"What are a philosopher's favorite type of chips? Plato Nachos"

"I Farted in an Apple Store I FARTED IN A APPLE STORE AND THEY GOT MAD But it's NOT MY FAULT THEY DON'T HAVE WINDOWS"

"""Son, I don't think you're cut out to be a mime."" ""Was it something I said?"" Asks the son. ""Yes."""

"My girlfriend is the squareroot of -100. She's a 10 but it sucks because she's imaginary."

"What is the worst thing about being black and Jewish? You have to stand at the back of the oven."

"My daughter is starting to ask embarrassing questions about sex. Just yesterday she asked: ""Is that the best you can do?"""

"What did the blonde say when she looked down at her bowl of Cheerios? Look, donut seeds!"

"How many nihilists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? #"

"*bees surround guy* AHHH GET THEM AWAY ""Don't make any sudden movements"" *suddenly the Macarena comes on* Oh no..."