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Joke of the Day

"Me: Why do you love me? Wife: *shrugs* Me: Why do you find me annoying? Wife: *reveals six spreadsheets and a pie chart*"

"My therapist told me ""time heals all wounds"", So I stabbed him. Now we wait..."

"I'm starting to think my wife is only having sex with me to improve her FitBit stats."

"What do you call a white guy with 2 black guys in the back of the car? The police. What do you call a black guy with 2 white guys in the back of the car? Uber!"

"Life is like a box of chocolates.... It don't last too long for fat people."

"What's a fireman's favourite drink? Water."

"I like my men how I like my rum Smooth, dark, rich, and with a bunch of coke."

"Why did Thor sit comfortably on a cactus? He has an Asgard ...I'll see myself out"

"The Story of the Old, Empty Barn There was nothing in it."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea. I wouldn't pay $300 to let a lentil on my face."