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Joke of the Day

"Are trees really necessary? They seem kind of arbor-trary."

"I want to go back in time... And change the way the letter 'eight' is pronounced to sodomized. Then in the future ask people why was nine afraid of seven?"

"Why does Pinocchio lie? Because he's a fucking liar."

"Why is the number 6 always angry? Because 789"

"There were two chefs who got married, she was Chinese and he was German. They opened a restaurant together. The food is good, but a half hour after you eat dinner, you're hungry for power."

"Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people."

"Me: *taps one-night-stand on forehead* Unfollowed. One-Night-Stand: It doesn't work like that... Me: *taps him on forehead again* Blocked."

"My dentist is going to be so proud of me! I've been brushing my teeth like ten times a day since I started using Betty Crocker toothpaste."

"How many nuts does it take to screw in a light bulb? A Brazilian"

"Whats up? My dick."