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Joke of the Day

"Even after repeated search attempts, the atom couldn't find its lost electron... Yet, on the brighter side, it remained positive."

"[blind date] ""I'm like, really good at *looks on hand* making the sex"" -did you just read that off your hand? ""Hey! You're not blind!"""

"At 4am I'm pretty sure it's either too early or too late to start drinking. But if the vodka is in my cheerios, it's technically breakfast."

"I heard a great joke about a boomerang earlier. I'm sure it will come back to me eventually."

"Billy: Hi! What's your name? Johnny: Johnny. B: Hey, what's THAT? J: An iPhone 4. Mom: Who's your new friend, Billy? B: Johnny. He's poor."

"What do you call someone banned from an Indian restaurant? Persona naan grata! sorry....."

"I wrote a book titled: How Dragons Are Greater Than Unicorns Daenerys Targaryen wrote the foreword. All she wrote was: No shit Sherlock!"

"I did not expect Brazil to get beaten this badly by Germany I really did Nazi it coming"

"How do you seperate the men from the boys? A crowbar."

"Make a friend today. Give a complete stranger a big, long hug. If they happen to get mad, tell the police a guy on twitter said you could."