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Joke of the Day

"[blind date] ""I'm like, really good at *looks on hand* making the sex"" -did you just read that off your hand? ""Hey! You're not blind!"""

"What's the difference between America and yoghurt? If you leave yoghurt alone for long enough it develops its own culture"

"I'm scared of the toilet That's where shit goes down"

"If you ever meet me please remember that I literally have a headache all the time"

"Drugs don't kill people, people who run out of drugs kill people"

"If I could be Brad Pitt for a day, I'd dress Angelina in a Santa Suit and beg her to violate herself with a Hickory Farms Summer Sausage."

"Yeah, so, I don't usually argue with people who I can remove from my life by pressing a button....."

"How can you tell if your dog is gay? If he's sucking another dogs dick in the back of a gay dog night club."

"If the number 666 is considered evil ..is 25.8069758 the root of all evil? Edit: My first gold! Thank you kind stranger."

"What did the fat math teacher say after a large Thanksgiving dinner? (-1)/8! Edit: I clearly don't know how to math."