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Joke of the Day
"My love for you is like gonorrhea... It burns!"
Next Joke
"Why I don't watch science documentaries with my mum. Man on TV: Microwaves travel at the speed of light Mum: Fuck me, that's impressive. Microwaves are heavy."
"Why are waiters terrible pornstars? They only want the tip"
"[Halloween] Me: How adorable! I love your ghost costume! 14: *sigh* I AM NOT A GHOST! I'M SHEET-FACED."
"What is a crossbreed between an elephant and a rhinoceros called? I don't know, but it isn't *relevant*!"
"Dinner: I BIT THE INSIDE OF MY MOUTH! IT WILL NEVER HEAL! NOTHING WILL EVER BE RIGHT AGAIN! Next morning: Oh, OK."
"The travel toothbrush has to be the greatest invention ever. Can you imagine having to lug around one of those regular heavy ones?"
"Really shouldn't If you're always Putin things off, you'll end up Russian."
"What does the ISIS member say about telling good jokes? ""It's all in the execution."""
"I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: ""None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."""