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Joke of the Day

"Every text from my mom is the most heart breaking thing I've ever read. Until the next text from my mom."

"What's so cool about taking a picture of a bathroom mirror?"

"Why can't ducks tell jokes when they fly? Cause they would quack up."

"My life these days is basically the ""before"" segment of an infomercial for a revolutionary new mop."

"[3rd date] Kate: You wanna come back to mine for coffee? Ian: Sure! Kate: Have you got any condoms? Ian: Do you not know how to make coffee?"

"u could put a horse in a time machine and send it to any era and the horse's life would literally be the same"

"Wife: The police are here asking about a break in at the pet store Me from within a pile of puppies: Tell them I'm not here."

"A boy walked into class 20 minutes late and really high. My teacher asked him why he was so late and he said, ""I don't know, I think there were more stairs than usual."""

"Who is the hamburgers' favourite actress? Candice Berger!"

"did you know there are people who hate jews who are not nazis? yeah, they.re called tenants."