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Joke of the Day

"""Your storage is full"" thanks Apple, I'll just go and delete some photos of friends and family, but at least I'll always have the stocks app"

"'You look fat' is both an ice-breaker and a bone-breaker"

"I made a bold statement by not buying two night-stands for my bedroom. I'm a one night stand kind of man."

"When the president is lonely what does he say? I'm Obama-self."

"Do you think you'll get fake teeth when you're old and gray? Might as well. Nothing dentured, nothing gained."

"Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a ""waist""? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there"

"Apparently, the serving size for Oreos is ""until you feel gross."""

"Of all the things ""Inside Amy Schumer""... ..why can't any of them be funny?"

"Why did Farmer John let his grapes go dry? He had his raisins . . ."

"""Found"" a nest of ground bees and got stung multiple times. But I was able to remove all the stingers. So yes, my pullout game is strong."