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Joke of the Day
"When the president is lonely what does he say? I'm Obama-self."
Next Joke
"the blue thumnbtacks on this map indicate concentrations of high (luna) energy, the red ones are all the panera breads ive been banned from"
"*checking out of Hotel California* You can check-out any time you like ""Okay yes, now"" But you can never leave! ""Ugh where's your manager"""
"Once there was a man who never left his home. .......Don't get it? . Well, it *is* an **inside joke.**"
"Causes of childhood anxiety: 4% Bullying 9% Inability to puncture a Capri Sun pouch 87% Musical Chairs"
"What do you call a fat, smelly hermaphodite who gives blow jobs under the bridge for a nickel? Well, YOU call her mom."
"Parent: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture."
"People are rough on gym teachers, but let's not forget all the years they spend in college, learning how to yell a last name in a scary way."
"My wife always freaks out when she's on her period Keep having to tell her to stop ovary acting."
"[one month later] Sorry, just got your text. Do you still want to break up?"