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Joke of the Day
"Apparently, the serving size for Oreos is ""until you feel gross."""
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"The other day I was trying to make a noise with two of my fingers and my thumb, and no matter how much I practiced nothing seemed to work... Then it clicked"
"A friend that steals your tortilla chips is nacho friend."
"Why was the plumber stressed? He had a high pressure job"
"My brother, Max, asked me to come up with a nickname for him. Now we just call him Maxx."
"I know a guy who refuses to use anything except paper money. But he says he's trying to change."
"Let's pause this conversation until your Transition Lenses catch up."
"Did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped police custody? Be on the lookout for a small medium at large."
"How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with ""A man once told me..."""
"Chuck Norris's version of a ""chocolate milkshake"" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel."