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Joke of the Day

"Dear Fork, I know we haven't spoken since I ran away with Dish, but I thought you should know you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon"

"Cop1: Has becoming a father affected your work Cop2: Not a bit Cop1: Ok cover me, I'm going in Cop2: HI GOING IN I'M DAD [both get shot]"

"I hate being ""backwards guy"" when moving funiture. I could get hurt."

"Where should Aaron Hernandez have hidden the evidence? The Cowboys' endzone; because no one goes there"

"Think what you will about Obama, But so far he's the best black president we've ever had."

"At the dinner table.. Dad: So how's college these days, kid? what classes are you taking? Kid: Intro to linguistics. Ugh, it's a shitty course. Dad: Language!"

"So I'm here at the wailing wall, like a moron, with my harpoon."

"Why Does Waldo Wear Stripes? Because he doesn't want to be SPOTTED!!!"

"If mental stability was measured by the type of tweets we laughed at, straight jackets would be the new black."

"Some hipsters were camping next to me and asked for help starting a fire. So, I chased one around until his corduroys burst into flames."