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Joke of the Day

"At the dinner table.. Dad: So how's college these days, kid? what classes are you taking? Kid: Intro to linguistics. Ugh, it's a shitty course. Dad: Language!"

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? It wasn't, numbers aren't sentient beings..."

"[hospital] DOCTOR: you're ok ME: so it was just a dream DOCTOR: no your heart did turn into a bowl of cereal but your system is accepting it"

"What do you call Venus Williams' collection of Pokemon? The 'mons of Venus."

"My dad beat my brother when he showed him his report card. So, I gave my report card to my mother. Let her take the beating."

"My bowel is upset. Must be full of shit."

"What did Ron Goldman say to Nicole Brown Simpson at the Pearly gates? Heres your fucking sunglasses!"

"I was asked where I see myself in fives at a job interview Apparently ""riding your mom"" was not the right answer"

"Why are there no astronauts on Twitch.tv? Because in space, no one can hear you stream."

"What did the llama say when asked to a picnic? Alpaca lunch!"