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Joke of the Day

"I wish there was something called the pizza/enchilada/beer diet where you lost weight. Cause I'm on it and that's not what's happening."

"What does $50 get you at the Chanel store? 13 seconds of eye contact."

"DAD: wat am i chopped liver CHOPPED LIVER: [in this joke imagine choped liver is a sentiemt being] wat the hell is that suposed to mean phil"

"""I hate you but I love you. I miss you but you make me sick. You're wonderful but get away from me"" -My love letter to carbs"

"I've matured a lot. For example, I used to listen to Fall Out Boy and break stuff, but now I listen to Mozart and break stuff"

"You know what really gets my goat? Chupacabras."

"What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke holes that it's often poked before? A key."

"The Dirtiest Dad Joke Every time my dad drives by a Little Caesars Pizza he says ""5 dollars hot and ready....I used to know a girl like that"" he says it EVERY TIME and thinks he's hillarious"

"What do you call a pig that murders baseball players? Babe Ruthless"

"Two Trump supporters are walking side by side. After a while, one asks the other ""Can I walk in the middle now?"""