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Joke of the Day

"""I hate you but I love you. I miss you but you make me sick. You're wonderful but get away from me"" -My love letter to carbs"

"people almost never ask me for man advice because 98% of it is ""you should slash his tires"""

"i feel like a hundred bucks! *my soul erupts with the strength of 100 wild male deers*"

"A mushroom walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""We don't serve vegetables!"" The mushroom responds, ""But I'm a fungi!!"""

"What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand."

"The main lumberjack at my company does some minor computer hacking in his spare time... ...he's our key logger."

"Time flies like an arrow... Fruit flies like a banana."

"Just went to pick up a paper clip but accidentally picked up two paper clips. Sometimes I don't know my own strength"

"Now a days saving your virginity for someone ""special"" is like holding a dump to wait for a special toilet"

"I used to trust my farts..... But then shit got real."