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Joke of the Day

"DAD: wat am i chopped liver CHOPPED LIVER: [in this joke imagine choped liver is a sentiemt being] wat the hell is that suposed to mean phil"

"Hot singles in your area are looking for an air conditioned indoor court to practice on before their match."

"My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Rather a few layers."

"I am completely obsessed with collecting magazines. What can I say, I have issues."

"What is a baby's favorite Fall Out Boy song? Thanks For The Mammaries"

"Are instant noodles male or female? Male. Cause they get ready in a couple of minutes."

"What did the deaf person get after having sex with a hooker? Hearing AIDS."

"*dad walks up to me stroking his beard* son, where do we keep the dog treats again? Im hun- *beard falls off revealing my dog. he runs away*"

"Why would Gabe Newell be a better world leader than Hitler? There'd be no World War 3."

"I've been called the Trump of the bedroom... Because sex with me builds up emotional walls that they end up paying for."