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Joke of the Day

"My Wife and I made love today for the first time in weeks. (X-POST from r/shortscarystories) I put her back in the freezer afterwards."

"Good friends are like toasters... If you throw them down the stairs, they probably won't make toast for you anymore."

"doctor: here's your x-ray me: ew I look ugly in this one delete it take another"

"Why do people with heart disease always lose at poker? They have to take ACE inhibitors."

"Why did the droids take so long to complete the Death Star? Because they had bad motivators... Star Wars fans will get this one..."

"You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart."

"it's always the wrong ex who gets drunk and messages you a million times about how much he loves you."

"The last time we had a white Christmas, I made snow angels. I skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians."

"Fishy Technology What type of phones do fish use? . . . *Shellular*, of course..."

"My mum is a midwife and she always messes up jokes... Which is strange, because I thought midwives were great at delivery."