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Joke of the Day

"I used to work in a helium factory... But I left, because I didn't like the way they spoke to me... [Read the second part with a helium voice.]"

"I was watching tv with my mom & she was amazed a blind guy didn't care his son was missing & I was like outta sight outta mind am I right"

"If white guys are day drinking, it's inevitable that they're going to start wrestling at some point later that night."

"If someone asks you what time it is they either: want to sleep with you; or are some kind of psycho that doesn't have a cellphone."

"Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch."

"Why are aspirins white? Because they actually work."

"Which three American Generals won the most during the cold war? General Motors, General Electric, and General Dynamics."

"Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego."

"My new girlfriend just gave me her number i"

"You're right, homeless man on the subway...it is a ""clip your toenails into your McDonald's cup"" kind of morning."