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Joke of the Day

"Optimism and Pessimism Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glad is half empty. Journalist: The glass is a victim of discrimination by White Christian Conservatives."

"what did the serial killer spill to the victim i would tell you but id have to kill you"

"I can never tell if a mother duck is being dutifully followed by her ducklings or chased by a gang of young duck criminals."

"A riddle Who's got orange skin, poor speaking skills, is overwhelmingly disliked and is in over his head? Yeah, I know, too easy right? It's Jar Jar Binks"

"How does Moses make his coffee? He-brews it"

"The wife's only listening to you outside the bathroom door to make sure you're not touching the decorative hand towels"

"Willie Nelson? (NSFW) What is the worst thing Willie Nelson could say to you while you are giving him a blowjob? I'm not really Willie Nelson"

"I often call my stepson a ""bitch"" and my stepdaughter a ""dickhead"" to show them the importance of gender equality."

"I can't stand Freud... him and his motherfucking complex."

"What's the difference between a proclamation from the Vatican and a mail-order husband from ebay? One's a papal mandate and the other's a paypal man-date."