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Joke of the Day
"Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? You would too if you were named Auuurraaagggghhh!"
Next Joke
"When I get in an elevator, before I press a button I look at everyone inside and say ""Are you ready to take this sh*t to a whole new level?"""
"I left a godless morning fart in each of the kids' lunchboxes so they'll know I was thinking about them."
"I sleep like a baby at night, rarely and with short bursts of crying and pooping, sometimes both"
"My cheating Ex-girlfriend just got fired for drinking on the job. She worked at the sperm bank."
"A blonde walks into a library... No, that's it. That's the joke."
"Jesus loves me, but I told him that I could never date a pool boy."
"Hollywood sets impossible standards we can never live up to. Not even once have I saved people from dinosaurs with my knowledge of Unix."
"I was going to make a chemistry joke But I know I won't get a reaction"
"It was so hot in Florida on New Years... ...the ball in Times Square wasn't the only one that dropped."