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Joke of the Day

"Sex is a misdemeanor. The more I misdemeanor I get."

"Kanye's acceptance speech on the VMA's"

"I bet the reason Kim Kardashian hasn't named her baby is because she doesn't know she's supposed to."

"what's the difference between a my girlfriend and a voice activated sink? One gets turned on and all wet when I speak to it. The other is a voice activated sink."

"What's the difference between Trump and a Halloween pumpkin? The pumpkin is bright."

"A Jewish joke (as told by Sigmund Freud) One Jew says to another, ""Have you taken a bath?"" The other replies: ""No. Is one missing?"" From *Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious*"

"I wonder if I could save more than 15% on my car insurance if Geico wasn't paying for so many fucking commercials?"

"The best 5 seconds of my life are when I wake up and have no idea I'm a human or have responsibilities."

"The Chinese couple sitting behind me have said one Chinese thing after another to each other for almost an hour now."

"Did you hear about the goblin whose left arm and left leg cut off? Guess what he's alright now!"