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Joke of the Day

"I bet the reason Kim Kardashian hasn't named her baby is because she doesn't know she's supposed to."

"How do you say hi to a Muslim in Hawaii? Aloha Akbar."

"Did you guys hear about how Mattel took back all those Terminator action figures? It was a *Total Recall*"

"Me: lets go on a date Her: umm Me: what could go wrong *25 minutes later we are being chased by a pack of raccoons*"

"Sometimes all I'm really doing with my life is just trying to make it from one weekend to the next."

"My girlfriend died yesterday. She's dead. She suffocated, broke her neck and drown all at the same time. I'll never her last words. Do you want a blow job?"

"Help, my anus is trying to kill me!"

"Don't look at me like that, Barbie. We're both stuck in this playhouse. Just drink your tea. The toddler will tell us what to do next."

"I'm extremely grateful that spiders don't scream back."

"Why is Santa's sack so big? He only comes once a year!"