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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a dentist and a New York baseball fan? One yanks for the roots, the other roots for the Yanks."

"I can't get enough minimalism."

"My girlfriend tried to tell me an abuse joke But I beat her to the punch"

"The thing that makes learning how to use chopsticks so difficult is that the longer you use them, the soggier your cereal gets."

"""Welcome to the Association Against Acronyms & Abbreviations, your office is this way..."" - ""We should call it AAAA!"" ""You're fired."""

"I'm technically 5'11"" but whenever people ask I just say I'm 6'0"". I do it for the same reason I tell people I have a four inch penis - what's an extra inch, anyway?"

"Never trust a homeless person selling warm lemonade"

"Back in LA who wants to make plans & cancel them & talk about rescheduling but never do then just like each other's FB post to keep it cool"

"I ordered a book on near death experiences. The anticipation almost killed me."

"Voting booths are like brothels You have to decide which ass you want."