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Joke of the Day

"[spelling bee] JUDGE: Your word is ""incorrect"" KID: I haven't spelled it yet JUDGE: No, that's your word KID: T-H-A-T-'-S JUDGE: No- KID: N-"

"What's a martian's favorite wine? Chardonayy."

"what do you call a french kebab? a body bag."

"When one door closes, another opens. Also, you can open the closed door. That's how doors work."

"I lost my rutabaga I'm sure it'll turnip somewhere."

"How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints."

"How did the snowman get happy? The snowblower came around"

"I hate when people read over my shoulder while I'm texting. 2 car lengths please Mr. Policeman."

"I am a child molester just like my dad was a child molester. He rubbed off on me."

"I don't understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites."