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Joke of the Day

"HI, I'M STEVE'S CAPS LOCK KEY, AND I'D LIKE TO MEET OTHER CAPS LOCKS KEYS. I'M INTERESTED IN BOATING AND HIKING."

"How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but when he unscrews the bulb, the lights go out and your xbox is gone."

"Parole officer: Come in and take a seat [me, finishing a jail term for stealing chairs] *starts sweating*"

"""My place is a mess"" - Every girl, ever.... ""Well in that case, I'm not coming in"" - No guy, ever"

"Immigrants after Trump's election be like... [removed]"

"""How old are you?"" Things you say to your third child."

"""Bitches ain't shit but ho's and tricks."" --William Shakespeare (i think)"

"this month's full moon is in virgo. you know what that means: you shouldn't be friends with me because i will tell you shit like this"

"Mom: Take out the trash *I take the trash on a lovely date* Mom: Not what I meant *I assassinate the trash in an ally* Mom: Still wrong"

"Shit happens, I mean, look at your face."