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Joke of the Day
"I was an alcoholic for seven years. Today marks my eighth."
Next Joke
"I'm old enough to remember when a car on the back of a tow truck meant a transmission problem rather than repossession problem."
"A programmer began to cuss Because getting to sleep was a fuss. When laying in her bed Looping round in her head Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;"
"One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast."
"You know what this new carpet needs? For me to open a tube of blue toothpaste, and jump up and down on it. - My 4yo. Apparently."
"Why do farts smell so bad? So the deaf can enjoy them too."
"[robbing Walgreens] Would you like to sign up for a Walgreens card? Youll save 30% on your robbery ""sure"" [guy behind me with 1 item] wtf"
"What's Iron Man's favorite ride at the carnival? The ferrous wheel."
"When someone farts... Guy 1: What'd that asshole say? Guy 2: Just talking shit."
"''Hey, you like water? yes? well I can turn it into wine.'' -Jesus flirting in a bar"