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Joke of the Day

"What's Iron Man's favorite ride at the carnival? The ferrous wheel."

"What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? *The taste.*"

"A Church threw a Celibacy Party. Nobody came."

"Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year? Pupil: 12 - 2nd January 2nd February...!"

"Oh, hey guys how were the bars tonight? That's cool. In case you were wondering all of the Harry Potter movies are still really good."

"I've accepted the fact that being cremated is my last hope for a smoking, hot body."

"If only we had more money for mosquito nets in Africa... think of all the mosquitoes we could save from dying needlessly of AIDS."

"What happens when you spike Hawaiian Punch? It gets a lil' kick. :)"

"(prostate exam) Dr: WOW! I've never seen this before Me: OMG! WHAT *loud click Me: DID YOU JUST TAKE A SELFIE Dr:.. And send Me: WTF?"

"""Stop putting words into my mouth!"" ""Fine, eat your alphabet soup by yourself."""