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Joke of the Day

"I propose we rename our seasons: Blizzard Flood Oven Kinda Nice For A Bit"

"All right, Mr. Bank Guy. My business plan is forcing my pregnant dog to drink beer so its puppies are deformed and I can make money off them"

"HAVE SOME FUN WITH YOUR LIFE: Whisper ""You should have killed me when you had the chance"" to the person in the bathroom stall next to you."

"Me: Siri, did you know millions of people misquote you on Twitter every day? Siri: Tim, I want your polish sausage."

"Whats better than Roses on a Piano? Tulips on an Organ."

"TIL ""saltpeter"" is a casual term for potassium nitrate. The more you KNO..."

"Turns out there isn't a single sexy explanation for having a fork in your bed."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He can't come anyways."

"What world athletic sporting event is held every four years? The Olympigs!"

"I was raised as an only child. Which really pissed my brothers off."