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Joke of the Day

"Me: Siri, did you know millions of people misquote you on Twitter every day? Siri: Tim, I want your polish sausage."

"Difference between a newspaper and a TV..... Have you ever tried swatting a fly with a television?"

"Women have more than one connection to lungs. If you put a finger inside the vagina it feels like suffocating to them."

"Shortest joke about misfortune A seal walks into a club"

"A taxidermist was asked, ""So what do you do for a living?"" She replied, ""Oh you know... stuff."" - *From Tumblr.*"

"""Mickey Mouse, you want to divorce Minnie cause she was... extremely silly?"" ""No, I said she was fucking Goofy"""

"What makes football players bi-sexual? They play with Cleats and Balls all day."

"Its really disgusting how other white people dont even know about the plight of [quickly wikipedias ""Who is having alot of plight 2012]"

"What is the cat's favourite TV show ? The evening mews !"

"are you my appendix because i don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out"