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Joke of the Day

"My dog's pissed cos I buy him Senior food. He won't admit he's older now. So I scratch out the ""i"" on each can & tell him it's Mexican food."

"76% of being in a relationship is waiting for someone to watch a show."

"What is the worst thing you want to hear from a doctor giving you a prostate exam? ""Look ma, no hands!"""

"Avenge me! But only through passive aggressively commenting loudly around my murderer how great it would be to still have me alive."

"So most foot longs at Subway are 7$ not 5$. I'm not mad that it's more money. I'm just mad that I sing their tunes of false advertisement"

"How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't it's either a monster or a giant banana."

"Jesus Christ, superstar He dresses like a woman and he wears a bra!"

"I want to be important enough to receive a phone call, say one word, hang up and having the end result being something blown up."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? ""It might take me a while to get hard I just got layed last night."""

"Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me! I only received super fish oil injuries, but still..."