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Joke of the Day

"I bought a new thesaurus the other day. It's nothing to write house about."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? [NSFW] I can't jelly my dick in your ass."

"I think I'm going to take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it..."

"What do you call a skinny Pakistani cow? A moo-slim."

"Out of all of Santa's reindeer, the one that sounds most like a street name for crystal meth is all of them."

"What kind of car does Bill Cosby drive? A Honda quaalude. (Credit to my girlfriend)"

"Dear Autocorrect, She's an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I'm never getting laid."

"Two lawyers walk into a bar. The third one ducks."

"If you want to know how many hours your mom was in labor with you, tell her you won't be able to come over & visit."

"Do you have a turn down? Turn down for what?"