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Joke of the Day

"If you want to know how many hours your mom was in labor with you, tell her you won't be able to come over & visit."

"Ancient guys used to invent good stuff because they never had to untangle their headphones seventy three times every day."

"LAWYER: Your Honor, I'd like to approach the bench BENCH: I have a boyfriend"

"I once made an apathetic club. No one cared enough to attend the meetings, though."

"How do Mexicans cut their pizza? Little Caesars"

"I wish conversations were like user agreements where I could skip to the end and just agree."

"When a computer program says ""Not Responding"" I start texting it stuff like ""Who are you with?"" and ""Just heard our song"""

"Just bought Colgate mouthwash 'cause it builds stronger gums and someday my gums might have to lift a car off a baby."

"Why was the paper man sent to jail? He was caught rustling."

"Does a bear pope in the woods?"