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Joke of the Day

"I was dating a girl with a lazy eye. Unfortunately I had to break up with her because she was seeing someone else on the side."

"Are you a carpenter? Because your fabricating stories!"

"Did you hear about that broom on the news?? It's sweeping the nation"

"If you have a choice between ugly or fat, remember this. You can turn the lights out on ugly, but you can always feel the fat in the dark."

"Thanksgiving regret: no one at dinner wanted to talk about why the family members on TV's ""Dinosaurs"" were all different species of dinosaur"

"Did you know that Hitler invested in Minute Maid before he died? He heard they were 100% concentrated juice."

"Knock knock! Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I painfully waited until I was done cooking your food to take a poop?"

"What's the difference between a Kindle and a Kindle Fire? The Kindle Fire has a lithium battery."

"My girlfriend keeps telling me to buy camo because it's really in But I can never find it at the store."

"What's easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women."