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Joke of the Day

"Turns out today is Star Wars day... May the fourth be with you."

"My brain is not equipped with facial or name recognition technology."

"It's not often that one gets the opportunity to speak about someone intelligent, respected and admired. Unfortunately tonight I have to talk about (NAME)."

"Did you hear the submarine construction business closed down? Shame they went under"

"Are you in a fight with another person? Well it really seems like you two are squaring off. At least to tell us the long side of the story according to the Pythagorean Theorem."

"Behind every engineer in jail.... Is an Architect."

"Coming Soon Jason Statham is a reluctant thief with a heart of gold *cue explosion* PUNCH McEXPLODEY CAR MAN *fade to black*"

"It's all fun and games until you realize you're the girl at work known as ""how is she still employed."""

"Why are diapers like $10 bills? Because you have to change them."

"Today I tried to remove a bandage I couldn't pull it off"