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Joke of the Day

"If you don't pretend you're in a spaceship every time you walk through some automatic doors, you're too mature for me"

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"Why doesn't an old man ever go down on his old wife? Ever opened a grilled-cheese sandwich?"
"It's not fair to blame Pizza Hut for my weight gain. It was more of a Domino effect."
"A new study has shown banana skins contain traces of LSD... I guess that explains why people are always tripping on them"
"Knock! Knock! Who's there? ""Broken Pencil."" ""Broken Pencil Who?"" ""Never mind, it's pointless."""
"Sir, on a scale of 1 to drunk, where would you say you stand? I'll sit"
"A vegan, feminist, and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I know because they told everyone in twenty minutes."
"Irish Car Bomb Yanks have a cocktail called an ""Irish car bomb"", but if you stuck two flakes in an ice cream cone and called it a 9/11 they'd get offended."
"Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie? He was too far out man."
"This girl on tinder was so ugly I swiped left, pay for the undo just so I can swipe left again."