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Joke of the Day

"What is the best kind of plate for a continental breakfast? ... a tectonic plate!"

"There are 2 types of people in the world Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data."

"A local grocery bagger has been bagging cola on top of bread. Many were concerned that their bread would be flattened. His response to their concerns was ""It's fine. They're soft drinks"""

"You can be the most beautiful woman on the planet but if you can't cook don't worry I can"

"One Direction broke up Everything was just going south."

"[grocery store] Ok, milk... Check! Eggs... Check! Tomatoes... Check! ""Sir, can you wait for the total and just write one check please?"""

"Me: ""What's wrong?"" Wife: ""Nothing's wrong."" [Sighs heavily. Rolls eyes. Clenches jaw. Bursts into flame.] Me: ""I think something's wrong."""

"Jokes about German Sausages are the wurst..."

"What would you call Scott Adsit if he was a skirt? Scott Ad**skirt**"

"Did you hear that great joke about Schrodinger's cat?"