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Joke of the Day

"Wanna know how i know i'm getting laid tonight? Because i am stronger then you."

"I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit."

"What does Arizona name Colorado? Border Collie"

"""Hi, I'm Justin Timberlake."" *notices that he's actually a large body of salt water, not fresh water* ""Nice try, Mr. Timberocean."""

"A children's museum SOUNDS like a good idea... ...but I would imagine it's hard to breathe inside those little glass cases."

"Q: What's red and not there? A: No Tomatoes."

"I'm offended that horses don't put their hooves over their hearts during the National Anthem when they win a gold in equestrian events."

"Why did the fruit leave office? because he was imPEACHED! lol. i hate myself."

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

"What did the Jewish baby say to the Rabbi? Keep the tip."